Dear Etrain

This day, Mother's Day, is just so different to me now. I don't think I really valued it as much as I do now that I'm your Mama. Ethan, I love you, but being a parent is hard. And not just because it's a 24/7 job, but because of everything else. The excitement, the worry, the constant planning and organizing. When is nap, did he get enough sleep, is his new car seat safe and comfortable enough (because he keeps complaining when I put him in it), did I pack enough food (and diapers, wipes, toys, a jacket, a hat, etc, etc, etc), did he eat enough, should I have given him something more healthy, is he getting enough fun and love, I need to make sure he gets more time with kids his age, oh no, is he sick, or is it just teething, yay he's walking, careful Ethan - don't fall, no Ethan - the cord doesn't go in your mouth (shoot, I should have moved that cord)...and so on. And there's boredom too. You and I are together so much, I feel like I run out of things to do with you or to keep you entertained. And sometimes I just want to sit and do nothing, but you're still ready to move. So then I feel guilty for wanting to sit and do nothing.

Being a mom isn't an easy job, but the joy you bring me is well worth the worry or boredom or whatever else happens. You make me so incredibly happy and proud. I've had days where I was just done. So tired, so overwhelmed, and just wanted a break. Then I get that break and I end up looking at pictures or video of you. Or I start writing you a blog post (ahem). :) Before I know it, I'm missing you even though I'm enjoying some time off duty. I guess it's because I'm not really ever off duty. And that's OK. If being off duty means I have to stop being your mom, then I don't ever want to be off duty. Ever. I love being your mom more than you'll ever know.

Speaking of pictures here's a little walk down memory lane for us. Lots of selfies because most of the time its just you and me, so there's no one to take photos of us.

So now I understand Mother's Day. I understand what it means to be a mom. I understand and least a fraction of what all of your grandmas did for me and those I love. I understand all the hard work my mom put into raising me. I understand the love and care all of my moms have given me. And while we're at it - all my dads too. I'm so blessed and thankful, and I hope that one day you'll understand what I mean.

Thank you for making me your mama, my son. I love you forever. 

-Mama

PS. This day rocked. After the delicious breakfast, we all went on a walk and played at the park. After your nap we went to a shabu shabu for a late lunch/early dinner, and you were a peach. We just got home and your dad told me to go relax on my own for a while you two played. It didn't take me long to get going on this post again, but I can't help it. Once I'm done, I'll relax. Right now I'm doing what I want to be doing.